A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
Julie the blonde just got out of the tanning salon. She was getting pretty desperate for money, so she decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.
Well, the first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for ya. How would you like to paint the porch?"
Sure, that sounds great!" said Julie.
"Well, uh, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks alright?" Julie asked.
"Yeah that's great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need In the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.
"Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.
"Well she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 15 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner.
The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?"
"Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"
The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.
"Oh, by the way," said Julie, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
B: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.
P: "Uh ... How's that working?"
B. "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
P. "And why do you think that is?"
B. "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He had been checking her out all night, but lacked the nerve to go talk to her.
Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of her socket towards the man. With his quick reflexes, he caught it in mid-air.
"Oh my god, I am sooooo sorry," the woman said as she popped her eye back in the socket. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invited him back to her place for a drink.
They went back to her house, and after a bit she brought him into the bedroom and began undressing him. The couple had wild, passionate sex many times during the night.
The next morning when he awoke, she had already gotten up and brought him breakfast in bed.
The guy was amazed. "You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, she replied.... You just happened to catch my eye!"
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her Dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it". Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart lot, now you can follow me over to K-mart"
Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Jody plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in detail.
The robbery begins. Jody drives upto the front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffie, "Are you absolutely sure you understand the plan? You understand that you are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash?"
"Perfectly," said Buffie.
Buffie goes into the bank while Jody waits in the getaway car. One minute passes. Two minutes pass. Seven minutes pass and Jody is really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffie. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe into the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.
As the gals are getting away, Jody says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Buffie said, "I did I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Jody. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"
She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"